My Heart Won't Go On
by thecircleoflife
Summary: "look at what it has come to. I've lost all I had. I was the mighty Sora, crushing down thousands of heartless and saving the worlds. And now, I don't even know who I am anymore."
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, this is my first Fanfic and I have wanted to write this for a while now.**

**So here's the first chapter and I shall be writing the second soon.**

**since English is not my native language there should be some errors here and there. Just let me know about this errors so I won't be doing it again**.

My Heart Won't Go On.

Sora laid down on his bed. Talking to himself bitterly "look at what it has come to. I've lost all I had. I was the mighty Sora, crushing down thousands of heartless and saving the worlds. And now, I don't even know who I am anymore." a tear streaming his face down to his already wet pillow. Yes, he had lost all he had. He lost what was most important him. He had lost Kairi. It had been months since it happened. but for Sora it was like it had happened on that same day. Kairi had received keyblade training, and she could handle some heartless. Some. Not an entire horde. They tried to fight back, but there were too much even for him. And they were pretty strong heartless too. He couldn't remember much for such a horrible memory it was. He remembered her high-pitched scream. He turned to her just in time to see her heart living her body. He ran for her, trying to protect her body from any harm. Since she was a princess of heart, there was a chance he'd find her heart within him, or someone else. Then he could unlock her heart and save her.

Unfortunately before he could reach up to her, the heartless crawled over Kairi body and crushed it. After that everything became black. When Sora came back to him, he was at Hollow Bastion. Right then and right there he gave up on his mission. For the past three years his sole reason to go around the worlds was for her. To make sure she would be safe, and to be with her. He was taken to see the king, there he apologized for being a wimp. But he couldn't go on. He hadn't seen her in many time. And after he came back from his second quest, he finally gathered enought courage to tell her how he felt. Even though he though he did it pathetically, barely able to form a coherent phrase, so nervous he was. Not to mention he almost fainted on her after being able to choke the words "I love you." it only made her giggle at his nervousness, and at his face that was probably redder than her crimson hair. She wraped her arms around his waist. Even now he could feel her warm touch. And resting her head on the crook of neck, gave him her answer. "I love you too, Sora." he managed to mutter. Tears now streaming viciously down his face. "how could I ever let this happen? I was supposed to protect you Kairi." He lifted her head. looking into her beautiful violet eyes. Sora felt like he was going to get lost in her gaze. And he guess he really did. Since it was Kairi to make the move. The feeling of her lips on his was incredible. They were kissing passionately and tenderly. his hand moved to cup her cheek, the other one holding on her hip, as he felt her tongue on his lower lip. He happily opened his mouth, having Kairi's tongue begin to explore it, as he did the same. Their tongues darting and playing with each other. Sora broke the kiss, needing to breath. He gave her a loving smile, held her hands in his and kissed her on the forehead. Kairi was everything Sora had always dreamed of, and even more. "she was the best thing that ever happened in my life. She was the perfect girlfriend for me." Sora cried. "and what I gave her in return? I let her be killed." he added coldly.

They built a steady relationship. Sora couldn't tell how happy he was to finally be with the one he loved. Even with their keyblade wilder's duties and Kairi's keyblade training, they still found time to be enjoying each other's company. "this is all past now" Sora whispered, expression of pure sadness. He tried to end his pain once. Only to have Riku enter his room when he was about to hung himself and yell at him, until almost blowing his vocal cords. Sora tried and went to sleep. Since she died he was barely getting any sleep. He had tried to move on. He really did. But without her by his side everything had lost it's purpose. Sora went to sleep anyways since he promised to meet with Riku on the Island the other day. He said he had some surprise for him. Sora woke up to his alarm. Setting it off he headed to the bathroom, needing a shower. He looked a his reflection at the mirror. He looked sick. Pale and even thinner. And his blue eyes that were so bright before now had bags under them and looked dead. "I look like a damn ghost." Sora said, not actually caring on how he looked. He briefly washed his face, came back to his room and put on the first pants and shirt he saw. "now do you think that's presentable?" Sora jumped and whirled around to see Riku sitting on his bed. "quit trying to give me a fucking heart attack." Sora cried.

"you wanted to die didn't you?" Riku answered coldly. "I'm not retarded, I can still do it myself." Sort added playfully. Even though Sora cherished his time alone, he still hung out with Riku. He always made him feel better. "next time make sure to lock your door then." Riku laughed. "no, next time you make sure to knock on the door." He laughed too. It may seen wrong to laught at failed suicide attempt. But they were best friends after all, they could. "whatever, get back in that bathroom, take a shower and try to be a little more presentable. Or I will do it myself." Riku had a serious look on his face now. "and for god sake when was the last time you ate? Forget it. Get your ass to the kitchen and eat something." Sora crossed his arms on his chest. "I don't want to." Riku stood up. "then I guess I'll have to drag you there and shove food down your throat." Sora knew he was serious. "it won't be necessary." He threw a sock at Riku before leaving the room. "DORK!" Riku yelled at Sora who was already at the stairs. then laid back on hiss friend's bed, but. "OH FUCK SORA, THIS PILLOW DAMN SOAKED!"


	2. Chapter 2

Well, yeah. It took me a lot more time to update than I expected with the holidays. whatever here it is, chapter two.

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Sora was slowly eating a plate of eggs when Riku proceeded down the stairs, the pillow in his hand. "by the state of this, another sleepless night I should say." Sora looked at Riku, then at the pillow and at Riku again. "no, I did get a little sleep last night." Riku lifted an eyebrow. still looking at Sora, who continued. "less than a hour I guess." Sora looked at his plate of eggs. He had barely eaten half of it, but couldn't eat more. He pushed the plate away from him. The smell of it disgusted him. "so why do you want me to go to the little island with you Riku?" He was looking at Sora's almost untouched plate of eggs, then lifted his head to look at him " first because I thought you could use a little sunlight. And there is this new girl arriving today and we are all going to welcome her." Sora's eyes widened for a moment. "you're up to something." Riku looked around. "no I'm not. I just wanted to greet this new girl. And it was Selphie's idea anyway." Sora stood up " whatever, do as you like. I'm not going. I'll go take a nap or something." Riku suddenly stood up and reached for Sora's shoulder. "don't you think it's time to start living again?" Sora turned to face him. His face expressed no emotion. "I'm pretty sure I never stopped. As you can see, I'm alive." His voice was cold. It didn't even sound like Sora. Riku had hit a sensitive spot. "you spent the last few months crying on your room because of Kairi. At least for me, that's no life." Riku snapped at him, but as the corners of Sora's eyes got watery and his before expressionless face now had a frown, he realized he shouldn't have said that.

"Sora I'm sorry. I-"

"you don't understand. Do you?"

"honestly, no."

"then, I won't bother explain you. If some day you lose someone you love and care about. Then you'll understand." finished talking, Sora turned the opposite way and stormed out to his bed. Letting Riku wordless. He had never talked like that to him. He figured the best thing to do was just live Sora alone. He would do something about him later. On the second floor, Sora wanted to bang his head on the wall, or maybe Riku's head. His anger boiling inside of him. He started punching the walls. Ending up punching a hole on his wardrobe. "FUCK!" he cried. Holding his hand that was already swollen and with bloody knuckles. The pain throbbing through them. Sora tried to lessen the pain by putting his hand on the cold water, it just made it hurt more. He couldn't use his sore hand to do nothing for the rest of the day. Even closing his hand was painful. At least his anger was gone. Replaced by the scent of Diclofenac "Riku may be right. I may just need to let this stuff go...but, with every passing day, I want her by my side more and more." He plopped onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. Unsure on what to do. "I wish you were here, I need your help Kairi. Please guide me, 'cause I'm lost." Sora stood up. Suddenly decided to do something. Riku was right, he had to live. Yes, he loved Kairi insanely, but she wasn't going to come back anymore. "If I keep on like this I'll just end up joining her wherever she is." He laid on his bed again. "how do I do this?" laying on his bed with his eyes closed, he wondered. "you should start off by- Oh, what's with your hand?" Sora opened one eye lazily to see Riku leaning on his door. "Riku how the fuck you do this?" Sora sat up. using his good hand to scratch his head. "you are never paying attention to anything. It's easy to sneak up on you." Sora stood up, almost losing his balance. "like she used to say, I'm a lazy bum." He smiled a bit sadly at his friend. But Sora also thought of how easier it was to think or talk about Kairi with Riku around. Riku smiled understandingly, almost like he could read Sora's thoughts. "but you still didn't tell me what happened to your hand." wordlessly, Sora walked to his wardrobe and stuck a finger on the hole he had previously made. "Oh, that hurt." Sora looked at his hand, then at Riku. "indeed." They laughed together. Sora thought of how they were laughing like two kids, and just a few hours prior Sora would rather leap on Riku's neck and suffocate him.

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Done. Chapter three should be up soon.


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